Long-Distance Relationships

Most long-distance relationships fail, we are too much in the here and now. How do you overcome the distance and make it work?

Checklist Before You Get Started

Here are some important things to consider before you invest in a long-distance relationship. If they are not there, reconsider moving forward.

  • Can one of you relocate. Who has the kids, the house, the job. Houses can be sold or rented. Kids are harder to relocate especially if the other parent is involved in the kid’s life.
  • Can you meet now and relocate given the right person. If you have to wait to sell the house, get a job, kids get out of school, maybe find someone to date closer to home. It may take a leap of faith and if you can take a sabbatical from work or have the house to fall back on. Then you can say, “I’ll come live there and lets try it out sooner than later.”
  • Can you see each other relatively soon after meeting and then every couple weeks after that. We have a limited amount of new relationship energy and the battery starts running down as soon as we are apart. The only way to charge it up is to be together. You can only live for so long off of texting and phone calls. It’s easier if you can be together for meaningful amount of time.
  • Do you have enough in common to make the effort. This includes activities, lifestyle, dating pace, marriage and children history. Are they putting as much into it as you are. Relocating is a big commitment. Do some thinking before you jump.
  • Have you done your work. Are your over yourself, your sh*t, are you ready for a grown up relationship and are you willing to communicate to make it work.

If all of these are there, go get your mate!

Make it Happen Now

In my case, the most successful long-distance relationship  I have had was with a woman who was ready to make things happen.  We talked, Skyped, texted and got to know each other over a week or two. We agreed on a date, I offered to cover half the cost and an itinerary was in my email box. We met, it was great we agreed to get together in another two weeks and we did. We found ourselves living together and bonding deeply from there.

It comes down to being ready. If you are not ready to make a change now, either move yourself or have someone living with you don’t get started. If you are ready, what are you waiting for, go get your mate!

Eliminate the Distance

One of you is probably going to have to relocate. Given that, the first time you meet it should be where you both would end up living. The person potentially moving needs to check out the feel of the person, the home and the community. Community is a big thing. If it does not work out, would you continue to live there? How you first meet airport, bed and breakfast, or sleepover, it is up to the couple.

Tip: Have the person traveling book the ticket so it can be returned easier if needed.

If the person who probably would move is too busy to come visit, that might be a red flag, that they cannot move anyway. If you cannot decide who should maybe just meet first in a neutral romantic place and feel it out.

The person with a home or apartment has to have or clear space for their friend. Do you have an empty closet, can you make room for their furniture and cookware? If you have not made room in your life for another person, maybe you are not ready for a serious relationship.

Maybe the first place you live together is just a stop over on the way to a new mutually selected place. Talk about where you both want to be mid-term. Change your life planning from me to we.

The came may be that it is not apparent at the outset where the couple will live. If that is the case, meet a few times early on to see how the chemistry is. If it is solid, then start approaching possible housing solutions. If you love this person, both try to be flexible.

Constant Contact

Communication is the crux.Long-distance relationships take focus, if you do not pay attention to you far away mate, they will lose interest in you. Put in the effort to get to know your new mate and become good friends. If you can keep it thriving, fun, even intimate you have a better chance to make distance work until you can be together.

Be your self, be upbeat and supportive. Some people are good with little communication. I feel more that if someone is going to be your best friend, love and live with you, they are going to want to talk to and hear from you a bunch! Keep the chatter back and forth going during the day if you can or routinely after work.

The amount of communication is related to how soon you are going to be together. Sooner, more communication, months or indefinitely, less so you do not burn out texting.

Make it Work

Its always easiest to get to know and date the girl or boy next door. It’s less pressure, and you have much time to get to know each other. Some say you need love and some infatuation to get past all of your stuff to start a new relationship. Love opens a doorway for the couple to enter.

Be on it if your loved is moving to be be with you. Are their flowers by their bed side? Go the extra mile and have fun with it. Life is short.

Both of your have made a big commitment to be together from afar. Put your best foot forward. Again, get over your stuff, react less, listen more, be an adult and above all communicate compassionately. Make it work, bring things up before they get big. Read some of the related posts here to be your best relationship self.

Be Open to Change

Take this as an opportunity to make some changes. Spice up your life a bit. Look at this as an opportunity to grow together. Have you wanted to be more active, improve your diet, start doing yoga, be outside more. Now you have your best friend to go do new things. You will contribute to each other’s lives. Enjoy the journey!

Chuck Burr

2 comments

  • Thanks for the blog Chuck..Long Distant relationships can become quite tricky. I believe time is of essence! Even those weekly visits will keep the flame burning before the move..knowing the community before moving is a great suggestion.
    Keeping the communication open at all times. Bottled up feelings can be disastrous, living with someone is a learning process from what side of the bed do you sleep on to morning routines . Keep it simple.
    It will be if it was meant to be..

    Like

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